Dear Lizzy,
I have a big family, like a handful of siblings, all who have significant others and children. We don’t live in the same places and rarely meet up for the holidays, but we all get each other Christmas presents. I am overwhelmed and exhausted by the amount of Christmas-present-buying this ends up being. It isn’t joyful – it’s perfunctory and mainly ends up being ordering things off of Amazon wish lists. I want to change the way we do holidays but I also don’t want to be the one who ruined Christmas. Help!
Not the Grinch, I Swear
Dear Not the Grinch, I Swear,
I love Hanukkah and Christmas, partially because I love giving gifts, and yet I totally understand what you mean. Capitalism and commercialism can be a lot! And when you are talking about getting gifts for far-flung relatives and their boyfriends and girlfriends that you might not even know, it all becomes more of a job than a joy. Also, it gets really, really expensive!
I have two suggestions. First, propose a name-drawing or Secret Santa-type thing. Not this year – that ship has sailed. But next fall broach the subject with your siblings. On my mom’s side, I have 10 cousins and one brother. When we were kids, that side of the family drew names to give gifts and it was fun! Instead of a bunch of random stuff from everyone, or nothing from anyone, we got something special from someone special.
My second suggestion, if for some reason, your siblings are super opposed to the name drawing thing or else too chaotic to organize: Accept it. Buy small things off of Amazon wish lists. Put only things you actually want for your kids on their wish lists. Consider buying one gift for each family. A board game, a gift basket or maybe a gift card to a local restaurant. Or consider joining forces with other family members to get another family something bigger like a museum membership.
Try to participate to the best of your ability and accept the gifts you get in the spirit they were given – these people love you and in our culture one of the ways we show that is buying each other things. Weird? Maybe! But that doesn’t make it mean less.
And also? It will be over before you know it. My family’s name drawing only lasted when the kids were kids. Now none of us are sending presents (or they are doing it without me, always a possibility). I send holiday cards instead. (For adults, I truly believe holiday cards are always a perfectly acceptable thing to send. Most people don’t need more stuff.)
People will divorce and remarry and die. All the kids will grow up and disperse. Sometimes, I wish I could take all the tiny toys in my house and burn them in a (very toxic) bonfire. My house is so full of Calico Critters, we might actually legally be a Calico Critter factory. But I know in a few years I’ll miss them.
Good luck!
Lizzy
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