Dear readers: For my first column of 2023, I am hoping to share my readers’ hopes for the new year. What do you want to happen in 2023? It can be a personal wish or a global one. Send me an email at lacker@oregonian.com or tweet me at @lizzzyacker with your answer!
For the next three weeks, as we near the end of the year and I take some time off, I will be publishing a few classic columns. This is a rerun of a column originally published on Dec. 23, 2021. My advice also appears in The Oregonian/OregonLive’s weekly advice newsletter. Want to get it? Subscribe now.
Lastly, if you are a kid who believes in Santa, stop reading. You’ve been warned.
Dear Lizzy,
We are not a “Santa” family. For a variety of reasons, we have opted not to lie to our kids and tell them Santa brings them presents on Christmas morning. We do celebrate Christmas, but we aren’t Christian (not that Santa is Christian), and it seems like a strange lie to tell our kids, one that we will someday be forced to apologize for.
Our kids could not care less about this but other parents are frequently shocked that we are “stealing” this youthful experience from our kids. How do we tactfully explain to others that this is our choice?
Sorry Santa
Dear Sorry Santa,
Ah, a parent after my own heart!
Full disclosure to readers, I am not a disinterested party in this question. I’ve written about my feelings on Santa and recently tweeted about it, which led to this question. So, yes, I have an opinion.
I personally applaud your decision not to lie to your kids about Santa Claus. Getting presents from your parents is miracle enough, and I think the Santa story, that good boys and girls get the best presents from a mystery man, excludes poor kids, non-Christmas-observing kids and, honestly, just kids whose parents can’t afford a Tickle-Me-Elmo-Super-Nintendo or whatever.
Still, a lot of adults freak out when I say this, because it feels like an attack on their choices and that feels bad. My goal is not to make anyone feel bad. Being a parent is hard enough.
I choose not to tell my own child Santa is real and I don’t think Santa should be talked about as anything other than a fictional story. And since that seems untenable for believers, he probably shouldn’t be discussed at all in public spheres. I also fully believe it is a personal choice how people raise their own kids as long as those kids are safe and if someone wants to do Santa in their own house, that’s also totally wonderful.
The problem with being a Santa-isn’t-real family is partly that other parents are worried your kids are going to tell their kids that Santa isn’t real.
In my family, we have Santa-believing children and my child, who has been told Santa is a fun story, like mice who take up residence in a dollhouse or an aardvark with glasses. Granted, she’s only 2, so it’s likely that even if she told her older cousins Santa wasn’t real, they wouldn’t believe her.
Even so, someday, my kid and your kids and other kids who figured it out or had an older sister or whatever will tell another kid that Santa isn’t real. This happens probably every day and it is because people are lying to their kids about Santa, not because of people who chose to tell their kids the truth.
In fact, the kids who probably care the most about Santa’s realness are the ones who figured out they were being tricked this whole time. If I were concerned about this (I’m not because I don’t think it’s possible to police what kids say to each other), I would be much more concerned about a Santa apostate spreading the bad news than a never-Santa child.
Still, I recommend not going into all that with stressed-out holiday parents just trying to make magic for their babies. After all, we are all doing our best with what we have and we’re still in the middle of a pandemic, for crying out loud. I would say, “We don’t do Santa but don’t worry, my kids know not to spill the beans. Happy holidays!”
Then go have a happy, honest holiday yourself. Good luck!
Lizzy
Have a burning question? Send me an email at lacker@oregonian.com or tweet @lizzzyacker!
Read more Why Tho?
- How can I encourage my friend to dump her unnecessarily mean boyfriend?
- When my husband’s bigoted high school friend visits from out of town, can I just stay away?
- Can I just ghost someone I dated a few times if it’s not working for me?
- Hard truth is he’s not leaving his girlfriend for you. You have to change this pattern
- Reader shares a story with a happy middle
You can find the full Why Tho? archive here.